How charting my cycle revolutionized my relationship
On bringing fertility awareness into conversation with your partner.
I’ll never forgot how it felt when a partner once told me he thought my period was “gross.”
At the time, it shocked me into silence. I smiled and nodded - “of course, yes!” - but even in the numbness of my shame there was a tiny flame inside of me that knew what he was saying was wrong.
How could a natural process be “gross”?
When I came to Fertility Awareness years later, I began to broaden my vocabulary about just how wrong he was.
(Spoiler alert: the relationship did not last long after that!).
Body Literacy
I came to the Fertility Awareness Method and Cycle Charting seeking a non-hormonal method of contraception, and I ended up finding a new way of being in dialogue with my body.
Cycle Charting is the practice of tracking biomarkers of your menstrual-ovulatory cycle and thereby making informed decisions about contraception, conception, lifestyle, hormone balancing, self-care, and more.
In my first Cycle Charting class, I was stunned by the basic anatomy and physiology I had never learned in my sex ed classes.
I learned:
I could not get pregnant 365 days a year
Bleeding is not the “main event” of my cycle
Tampons aren’t the only menstrual products available
My monthly bleed wasn’t “gross” - it was miraculous
Equipped with this new cynical wisdom and inner knowing, I knew I wanted my conversations with my new partner to go differently, especially since I was interested in using Fertility Awareness as my primary method of birth control.
Here are 3 things I learned in talking to my partner about my cycle.
Education is Key
I cannot stress how much working with an educator supported both my partner and I through these conversations.
Not only did my Fertility Awareness Educator (FAE) teach me how to correctly track my cycle and understand how the method work, she also encouraged me to share it with my partner so he could read up as well.
It soon became clear that like me, my partner had not received a complete sex education either, so there were a lot of concerns and misconceptions to work through.
My FAE gave me materials to share with my partner which helped clarify what the method actually was, how it worked, and the physiology behind why it worked.
Make space for concerns
My partner and I shared many concerns about this new method of contraception. Given that this is a user-dependent method, how would we make choices during complicated moments (i.e., what would we do on months that are more difficult to track, like if I had travelled between time zones)?
In speaking about this, my partner and I were able to speak candidly about where we both fell on the conception intention scale for the first time. How would we both feel if we got pregnant at this moment? What steps would we take?
Unlike other methods of contraception I’d tried, this was the first time I’d ever spoken so explicitly about these plans. This deepening in communication and trust was essential in bringing us closer together.
Normalizing conversations around cycles
The more we spoke about how the cycle and method work, the more questions and considerations to the table on an ongoing basis.
This has been one of the most revolutionary aspects of this practice for me: my partner and I talk about my cycle a lot.
The shared understanding of physiology has built more trust and curiosity between us. If I mentioned I was experiencing cyclical symptoms like cramps or food cravings, he became more attuned to these and would check in about how he could better support.
When I say that I’m working on the length of my luteal phase, he understands what I’m talking about.
Moments like this on a regular basis have created even more intimacy between us. The more intimacy I understand my cycles, the more intimacy is created between us.
The conversation is ongoing
One of the greatest gifts of Cycle Tracking is that you are able to see how your cycle changes with time - just like relationships.
Communicating about FAM on an ongoing basis has opened up new conversations about health, lifestyle, and dynamics as they evolve.
This open line of communication and shared responsibility has built a strong foundation not just for our contraceptive journey, but for our partnership as a whole.
Need additional support?
Fast forward a bit - learning about Cycle Tracking was so revolutionary for me that I became an FAE myself!
If you’re looking for support on bringing your partner into the conversation, I offer support both in group and in 1:1/1:2 settings on an ongoing basis at Earth Body School to help support your Cycle Tracking practice.
To learn more, visit earthbodyschool.com/cycle-tracking
With gratitude,
Kate